i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
