btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Two words: nipple clamps
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