I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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