just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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