if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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