I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
