That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
