something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
