Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I will be naked everywhere
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize