It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
