Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
