you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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