ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize