Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
