Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
