Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
