So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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