I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
