she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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