At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
