pop tarts are not kleenex
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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