How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
