I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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