people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
