Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As shirtless as possible
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
