At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
