i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
