That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
