So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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