I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
