He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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