Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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