Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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