ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
