if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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