Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
