she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
