You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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