Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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