i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
