Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
