Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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