Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
