Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
