i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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