Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
