i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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