Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
