i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
