dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
