My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
