so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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