I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
