Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
