there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
