I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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