omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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