yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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