I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize