after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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