I wish I could punch you in the face.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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