My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it hurts more in the daytime
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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