i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
