i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
