I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
