Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
