the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
