We won't sleep together?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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