it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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