Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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