Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
