i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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