butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
whose parrot is this?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
