How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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