I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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