i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize