PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
