Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
