Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
