Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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