You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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