No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
