I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
