I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
