my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
