I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
