you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
