Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
