I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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