Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
