toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He shit in the fireplace
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
