Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
