im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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