Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
