We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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