We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
