SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize