my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
