I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
