You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
