That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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