So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
