I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You made out with two different species that night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
